32.

32, I welcome you;

I look forward to a year filled with adventure, laughter, friendship, love, lessons learned and growth ahead, mountains, new countries, new languages, talents and hobbies undeveloped, graduation(s), babies (not my own), new beginnings and more.

31, you were a year of growing.

Friendships lost, love celebrated, heartbreak, humility, pain, grief, growth, vulnerabilities exposed, scraped knees, bruised ego’s, and lessons of letting go, losing control, and listening to my voice within. As I gingerly rub this aching heart, I can’t help but whisper, “Ouch.”

I found love twice; lost love twice. Two men who declared promises they just couldn’t keep; but it’s okay, because they taught me how to love deeply, honestly, and with transparency. To my dearest Max; you fulfilled my dreams of adventure, traveling the world, living freely, and seeking beauty in every moment. To Patrick, oh boy, you are the hardest lesson yet but I know there is a purpose for this pain that has cut me so deeply. You certainly taught me patience, [true] empathy, and how to stay true to my deepest self; I wasn’t willing to sacrifice my integrity for security. I will learn to be happy again, but right now, stay out of my way.

To my dearest Louie; I hated losing you the most. You were my confidant, my security blanket, my grantor of sloppy kisses, dog pounces at 3am, and sneaky shenanigans that made me laugh [but more so made me cry]. You taught me a great deal in responsibility, sacrificial love, and friendship. You were a best four-legged friend a girl could ask for, but I knew I couldn’t meet your needs. I hear you’re doing well, chasing rabbits, playing with doggy friends at the park, and going on all sorts of adventures out West and to Canada. You lucky dog, you.

To my friends; you have been the most important impact on my growth. Your endless understanding, hugs, and open ears and hearts have been nurturing to my broken soul. I cannot imagine a life without your support, friendship, and kindness — you have become my family, lifeline, and MVPs when I have needed it most. I have thoroughly enjoyed your friendship, and I excitedly await the adventures ahead for all of you.

To my sisters, brother, and mother; I am nothing without any of you. I have learned a great deal in grace, compassion, patience, and dependence. There have been trials and tribulations for us all, but this was the year we all prevailed as a unit. Your strength, humor, and wisdom have been integral to my healing journey as well; and I only wish we lived floors apart [again] rather than these heartbreaking miles between us. I am eternally grateful for a bloodline filled with humor, compassion, endless love, and brutal honesty when needed.

To my future self; you wild, gracious, humorous, intelligent, dedicated, compassionate, generous, innovative, adventurous spirit… you will move mountains and shake up hearts of this world. You know the talent that is hidden deep within you; now is the time for you to unleash that power and hit the ground running. You know your true purpose on this remarkable planet, and you know the dedication, hard work, and pain will pay off soon enough. Keep fighting [as your Korean family would say], and keep your eyes on that beautiful prize ahead.

32, I welcome you.

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