WTF? What to say when words fail you

These 6 proven phrases will prepare you for the unexpected and calm your stage fright. Better yet, they’ll make your collaborators feel heard and make you look like a genius.

When I stepped up from copywriting to content strategy, I had to face my fear of public speaking. Collaboration is critical for strategy work. But the mere thought of presenting my ideas, interviewing users, and leading workshops was utterly terrifying.

What happens if someone disagrees with me? Or asks a question I can’t answer? What if they don’t get what I’m trying to say? What if they realize I don’t know all the answers?

These comebacks have come in handy with cranky stakeholders, confused collaborators, skeptical colleagues, and user research participants who vented (read: shouted) their frustrations at me.

When I’m presenting an idea or facilitating a conversation, I hear some baffling things. Ideas, oppositions, and “facts” that I patently disagree with. I want to shout, “No! Just no.”

But good facilitators are like improv performers: instead of rejecting terrible ideas, they lean into them. They keep their partner engaged and leave the door open to their next (hopefully better) idea. So when I’m thinking, “WTF?” I say, “say more about that.”

“Say more about that” is useful for:

I also use this phrase when I’m genuinely curious. So if you’ve heard me say it, I promise your idea was one of the good ones.

This phrase is useful for speakers and listeners alike. Ironically, some of the best questions start with “can I ask a stupid question?” When I’m leading a conversation and I notice confused faces and tentative hand raises, I realize that I jumped too quickly into the details, and left my audience behind. I usually failed to give context, describe the problem, or use plain language. I assumed my listeners knew what I know. Those few among us who are brave enough to say, “you’ve lost me,” deserve a better lead-in.

That’s why I never hesitate to step back and ask for clarity from or give clarity to my collaborators or audiences.

“Just to clarify” is useful for:

A colleague also uses “what I’m hearing is” to clarify the point.

I’ve been interviewing customers and facilitating user testing for almost a decade. And luckily, most of those participants have been kind and courteous. But I ask people about frustrating experiences. I talk to users who have been struggling with hard-to-use products for too long–and who vent their feelings about those difficulties.

When I’m on the receiving end of an angry tirade, I say “I can see how that would be frustrating.”

“I can see how that would be frustrating” is useful for:

If someone is really upset, sometimes it’s best to end the conversation.

Content folks discover problems that others don’t see. For example, we notice copy that’s littered with jargon and user flows that don’t make sense. To fix it, we need to persuade designers or product managers who own those broken user experiences. Delivering criticism takes finesse.

“I’m drawing your attention to something I observed” is useful for:

Sometimes your goal is to present an argument that leads to action. But what if your collaborators are charging into a seemingly brilliant solution that you suspect is a bad idea? How do you dampen the frantic energy and slow them down? Instead of “let’s step back and think about this,” I ask “this is an important question/idea, but what do we need to know before we start chasing this?”

“What do we need to know before we start chasing this?” is useful for:

As you get more comfortable asking tough questions and receiving feedback, you’ll learn how to probe with precision. If you hear something surprising or interesting, lean into that. Ask for more detail.

“Why do you think that is?” is useful for:

If public speaking, presenting, or facilitating fills you with dread, I hope these phrases calm your fears. Remember: questions and comments (even the baffling ones) are a gift. They prove your audience is paying attention, and they care.

What are your favorite phrases for leading productive conversations?

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