Could Have

I could have stayed with the “civil” engineer who liked to beat my body and put it back together with loving words

I could have stayed with the mechanical engineer who had no idea how any of my parts worked

I could have stayed at home with a family who trashed my spirit and made me feel rotten

I could have stayed with the professional golfer and fry in the sun with the gators in Florida

I could have stayed in Chicago when I met him but we weren’t ready

I could have stayed on the private island with the fisherman but I sensed something was slimy and it wasn’t the fish

I could have stayed in the hills of Italy with my Italian lover who made me homemade ice cream and asked me to live on his farm with him

I could have stayed with the Irish man on his Christmas tree farm but I hated the holidays

I could have stayed with the Roman in his bungalow who vowed to take care of me for eternity after a two night rendezvous in Sardinia but instead I said “grazie, but no grazie”

I could have stayed with the French man who showed me the best views of the Eiffel Tower, but I ended up in an old Parisian book store with some of the best views on the planet

I could have stayed with the shoe designer in Amsterdam when I had no money and no home, instead I relied on friends for the first time and not a potential sole mate

I could have stayed with the doctors and lawyers who thought a vegan yoga teacher would have gone perfectly on their shelf next to their framed certificates

I could have stayed with the alcoholics and drug dealers and lived a wonderful life of numbing

I could have stayed in the jungles of Vietnam, Cambodia, Costa Rica, and Panama but I missed my industrialized fan I slept with and often wondered about health insurance

I could have taken all the flights and moving boxes I warned him about but stayed put and finally learned conflict management

I could have ignored the vivid dreams of a baby, the urge of motherhood, and the people telling me I was infertile, but instead I trusted the Universe and let Spirit take over

I could have continued living with complexity but I always knew I craved simplicity

Related posts:

Bet on a favorite to easily win a small payout because it only needs to beat lesser opponents. Alternatively, bet on an underdog and win a huge payout. Tip: Use the Odds.

All my essays are personal essays. I’m not inviting debate here, I don’t think all essays are personal essays, but I do think all of mine are. Perhaps that’s why I’m so defensive of the personal…

Anubhav leads the Hacker Materials Research Group, where his research focuses on applying computing to accelerate the process of finding new materials for functional applications. Anubhav leads the…