Finding Spirituality

I come from a strict religious family. there has always been a struggle to fit in with my family as I have never felt like a very religious person. This strict religious view sent me spiraling down a path where I cursed God and eventually did not believe in spirituality at all. Fortunately for me I met someone who through her love of her beliefs open my eyes. really made me see things I knew deep down but I was fighting to hide. When I found astrology I was 25 I had met this girl a young Wiccan who loved to look at the stars.

I remember her presence reminded me of Autumn. she would ask me about my beliefs and I would tell her how I was raised and how I felt none of it was real. She would smile and express her opinions. She never made me feel out of place like must people did. It was one of the first moments I felt like I wasn’t trying to fit in…I just did. I still didn't agree with her religion as a whole but we accepted each other for our differences. she would ask questions like “what sign are you?” “do you believe in astrology?” honestly wasn't for sure if I believed or not but she did and she had become important to me so I would answer. “Sagittarius” and a simply shrug indicating my indecisiveness on whether I believe in someone reading the stars. She would have me sit down and read Tarot cards. I remember sitting amazed as she would place a card down and tell me something of my life. love that I had kept inside, heartbreak that I had ignored. It was all so surreal.

she would open up to me about her own struggles. she had been a victim of rape and she would express the pain and suffering she had to endure to get to where she is now. listening to this I was certain no one could suffer such trauma and come out believing a higher being cared about you. So I asked, “Why do you believe in any of this?” She gave a sigh and looked at the stars “ am I to give up believing in more, believing in me, because something bad happened? we all have our own journey that are filled with obstacles, pain, suffering, heartache that is tailored just for us.” at this point I kind of drifted back my past and thought about my times through school being bullied. thought about my first love and how she didn't feel the same. But most importantly I thought about this longing that I had never noticed till that moment to believe I could be greater then what others and myself had lead me to believe.

she placed her hand on mine. I suppose she saw I had drifted off into my own thoughts. she looked at me in a way that just eased my heart and said “there is also love, laughter, peace and happiness that’s made just for us as well. we just have to keep moving forward. we have to understand everything passes. learn from our pain and failure enjoy our love and happiness and be thankful for it all”

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