A Child of My Mother

The gift of healing and burden of hurt

Mothers may be the most important people in our lives. They give us the bodies we use to experience our lives. The contribution to our minds is harder to describe. Mother’s emotional rhythms are ours when we are in the womb and our first few years. Her intention toward kindness and generosity, or self-centeredness and selfishness, wordlessly begins our ethical training. She can have an outsized influence on our whole lives. My mother’s impact was both life-saving and hurtful.

In the first trimester of her pregnancy with me, my mother had German measles. That can be life threatening to both mother and baby. I was her first child and was born prematurely. The doctor who delivered me had dire expectations. Due to too much fluid surrounding my brain, I had an enlarged head. The doctor told my mother to put me in an institution and forget about me. My mother would have a hard time caring for me. It would be best if I died soon. In any case, I would not live past the age of 12. My mother was young and could have other children.

Rather than following the doctor’s recommendations, my mother decided to take me home and take the best care of me she could. She had completed most of a nursing school program. She knew about the syndrome that included hydrocephalus. She found a doctor who believed the right diet could heal anything. My mother learned how to cook to some degree to follow the diet he recommended.

I had a vision exam when I was three and wore glasses even before nursery school. My mother took me to a specialist regarding the curvature of the spine. She expected that I would wear a brace. Instead, the doctor suggested that my mother enroll me in a good ballet class. He was clear that it not put girls in toe shoes before their legs were strong enough.

When I was four, my mother and I took the ferry from Weehawken NJ to a well regarded ballet school in Manhattan. I was in the youngest group, where we did basic exercises and learned melody and rhythm…

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