My First 1k

You guys are everything I could ever ask for

This first 1k is a big deal for me. You guys are the main reason why I’m motivated every day to sit down and write. I can’t imagine not having this space in the first place where I can talk freely about how I feel when it comes to relationships in general.

Since my teenage years, I spent hours reading Reddit comments on the “relationship” topics. I was and still am obsessed with that stuff, maybe because I wanted to prove to myself that my relationship wouldn’t be as messy as my parent’s. So I keep looking for ways to improve my love life.

I wanted to believe so bad that a healthy relationship does exist.

My mom had to deal with an abusive (emotionally & physically), cheater, and unreliable man in her first marriage. I witnessed it all with my own eyes when I was 10. That’s why even 17 years later, I still couldn’t forgive him for all those bad things he did to her.

Then her second marriage came, and it only happened for less than a year. It was a “stupid” marriage decision, as she said. Her parents wanted her to marry this divorced man next door and thought he was a good man. It turns out he’s a lazy ass who didn’t want to work.

Her last straw was when he said my education wasn’t important enough because I’m a woman. A woman in the village isn’t supposed to go to college because they belong to the kitchen taking care of her husband. Fuck it. She called it quit on that day.

A year later, she got involved with a married man. I was 17 and got so much backlash from the neighbors. They personally asked me to “stop” my mom from seeing this man. But what could I do? I was just a kid — my voice didn’t matter.

She ended up marrying that man, and he had to leave the wife for my mom. In their defense, they got married because the ex-wife couldn’t give him a child. To this day, I still can’t say it’s the right or wrong thing to do.

While I don’t blame her for all the trauma her past marriages gave me, for the first years in my twenties, I just couldn’t believe that a good man would love me genuinely.

So I know how hard dating in your twenties is. It’s full of self-doubts, your childhood trauma, and if you’re like…

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